2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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