He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
