In America we eat man semen.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
