so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
