I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My bed smells like the plague
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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