just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
foreskin is a definite game changer
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
