If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
