Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
