She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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