One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
