We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
