I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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