if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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