shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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