you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
