At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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