I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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