just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
be right there i have to get my cape
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
