bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well you can't waste a boner
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
