I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
