Fuck appropriateness.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
