You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
