i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
