Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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