ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
