Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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