My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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