It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
