GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
