Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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