I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
