Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
