Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
