would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
