I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He? As in you personified your dick?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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