just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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