One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
