this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
