Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
