I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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