I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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