no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
