You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
