Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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