I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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