I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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