So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I could fuck to npr.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
