you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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