508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
