So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
