I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Come see our sink grown plant.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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