Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
