Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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