for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
