i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
