After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
